I think I like torture. Because I do it to myself all the time. Like last night. Like this morning. Here are a string of, punny as it sounds, unfortunate events.
It starts out fairly innocent, Mandi and me on my bed, wathing Jensen Ackles and Jared Paladecki try to capture children in the wall on Supernatural. Then, I get a call. It’s Morgan. I have no idea what to do, but apparently, to my body, that means answer the damn phone. So I do. She asks me to come over. I agree, even though every fiber in my being is yelling and screaming at me to deny deny deny her. The call ends and there begins the freak out.
Let me get something clear. I am highly anti-social. Not only because I don’t like people, but I am highly claustrophobic and am afraid of crowds. I think it’s the complete lack of personal space. Which triggers my claustrophobia. Anyways, back to the story.
I was on my bed, hyperventilating and trying to come up with some way, any way to back out of it. But then I did an ingenious thing. I sat on my bed, talking to myself (after shushing Mandi about twenty times) and calming myself down. Telling myself everything was going to be okay and my biggest worry was what to wear. Then I grab my wine and chug for about three to four minutes. The alcohol has a chance to sink into my brain a little bit (it was 6%, no worries) and calm me down. They should really give anxious people alcohol. It’s amazing.
So I’m searching for something to wear. I figure I should look like I’m not trying to hard, but still be very sexy. (Because this is such an important part of the story,) I end up choosing a black unisex band shirt a size too big (because I’m feeling bloated) and some jeans that are tight enough to show off my little ass, but pretty plain. Then I wear my grey beanie to hide my hideous hair, my cupid’s bow necklace (it’s sparkly), my little cousin’s chucks (she took mine) and her grey and white checkered coat (because I don’t have one). I brush my teeth, I can’t find the lipgloss I want, so I settle for chapstick. Then I run to my car, chain smoke the way there, listen to classic rock (Led Zepplin came on) and a block away, decided to put on eyeliner. By the time I got there, the alcohol, the Led Zepplin, chain smoking and the eyeliner had all calmed me down. My hands were no longer shaking.
I get out of my car, walk up the steps, say hi to some girls smoking on the porch and enter the house. Morgan is sitting on the couch talking to some guy who looks either drunk out of his mind or stoned out of his mind, so I take a seat next to the male gay couple (which are the only other gays in the place) and start talking to the one I’m sitting next to until Morgan is done having her conversation and she pays attention to me. She offers me a beer and I say no, but then I snatch it out of her hand and chug it because I feel awkward and I’d rather be awkward with a beer in my hand.
She’s done with her conversation and the entire night I’m being introduced to everybody alive at this party. At some point I do like two shots of straight up vodka with no chasers (cuz I’m badass like that). I started feeling way better and was very sociable and got to know people.
I learned something. The key to being great at a party is to compliment girl’s outfits or hair. Their face will light up and then they like me more. I was a fucking hit.
Oh. Ok, so this happened. I was sitting on the couch and we were getting ready to take shots and
Morgan: “What should we toast to?”
Me: “World Peace!”
Her friend: “What are you, Miss Congeniality?”
Me: “Fuck yes!”
Her friend: “Are you a Barbie?”
Morgan: *nods*
Me: “No!” *glares at Morgan*
Morgan: *stops nodding*
Me: *turns away*
Morgan: *starts nodding again*
What the FUCK. I am NOT a Barbie. I am fat and lazy and loud and annoying and gross. But Jesus, I do act like a girl when I’m around a butch girl. It’s something they do that just flips that femme switch right on inside my head or something.
Also, a couple people when introduced to me where like “Wow, Morgan, she’s fuckin hot” and “She’s gorgeous” which made me feel really good about myself, because they were pretty good looking people themselves. Then it got awkward when some people were like “You two look really cute together” and then her bitch friend asking us if we were together, which I have no idea what we even are to eachother. Convenience? Then her bitch friend (he was drunk) was asking us how lesbians have sex. Then he proceeded to tell me that Morgan doesn’t use toys (which was what I thought) then asked me how I would fuck Morgan. He’s like “with toys?” and I was like no, I’d use my hands or my mouth. Then like Morgan and her gay friend butted in and started talking about homosexual sex and I was just like “whatever dude, I’m off the hot seat.”
After that, it was really boring and everyone left and one of the girls went to sleep and we were waiting for her roomate to come out of the bedroom where he was fucking the other girl that lived there.
We were sitting alone in the living room just waiting and then we kind of started making out. Like kind of whatever at first, to pass the time. But then we REALLY started making out. Like I was grabbing her hair and her face and oh god, I was getting so turned on and I wanted her so badly. So she asked me if we should go or if we should find a place here, and I just wanted her to shut up and kiss me so I grabbed her hair and pulled her towards me and just kissed her and kissed her and kissed her and then finally, I was like “I don’t want to wait” So she gave me the option of the car or the bathroom. Being the classy bitch I am, I said bathroom (because it’s cold outside). So I dragged her to the bathroom and we started kissing and I got pushed up against a wall and her hand was down my pants and in my shirt and everything was so delicious and naughty and I was so horny and all I remember is lips on lips and her hands touching my chest and grabbing me and grinding in my and down my pants
And then Ryan ruined it. Because he had to use the fucking bathroom.
So we left. And went to her house and all I can remember was topping her and not letting her talk becuase I just wanted to kiss her but then I started grinding on her and she started making sounds and how could I resist that, you know? So I kept grinding and she started wiggling all over the place and I kept grinding and she started making sounds, and they sounded so sweet so I kept going and it was like she was spazzing out and it was awesome and delicious and I remember grabbing her tits and rubbing them and I was touching them and she liked it and I started pinching them and then twisting them and my mouth and my hands kissing and biting and grabbing and scratching. Then it was over.
We went to sleep, spooning, and it was so nice. I thought she was going to be different because at the party she had been paying attention to me all night and then we were fucking and it was so nice and we went to sleep spooning and all through the night I could feel her kissing my shoulder and my neck and putting her arms around me and just holding me.
But then we woke up.
And she was a bitch again.
And I remembered that she never changes.
And I’m right back where I started but worse, because for a moment there I thought we had something.
